Just having a coffee pot and water doesn't mean you're going to have coffee. You need to add grounds in order to have a cup of coffee. And not just any old grounds will make a good cup of coffee! You need good quality coffee grounds, and the right amount if you want your coffee to be a thing of delight.
I think marriage is much the same way. Just having two people who get married does not guarantee that the marriage will be successful, much less delightful. It is a sad truth in our society that many marriages do not last. And even those who "stick it out" are often not happy in the process.
This is not the way God intended it. God says that marriage is honorable (Heb. 13:4), and should bring rejoicing (Pro. 5:18). A godly marriage is a picture of Christ and the church (Eph. 5:22-33). God desires that marriage be both permanent and pleasant. Our culture seems to believe that you cannot have both of these qualities at the same time, and I am afraid that mindset has permeated even Christian people.
We often hear the term "grounds for divorce." People find many reasons to justify why their marriages should be terminated. (Remember, that Jesus said, "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Mark 10:9.) What if, instead of looking for "grounds for divorce", we used the same diligence to seek for and practice the "grounds for delight" in the marriage that God has given us?
Just as a good cup of coffee requires "good grounds", so a good marriage requires "good grounds." So what are these "grounds for delight"?
1. Christianity
A truly happy home must be a Christlike home. Don't take this time to think about if your spouse is Christlike.....ask yourself if you are Christlike. Do I love like Christ? Do I forgive like Christ? Do I give like Christ? This "ground" is truly the one that all the following spring from.
2. Commitment
This should go without saying, but it still needs to be said. We must be committed to our marriages if they are to be lasting and happy. We should not even open the door of our minds to an "out" in our marriage. Think about the vows you made - "forsaking all others....for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part". In truth, most people should change their vows to "for better, for richer, in health, to love as long as you love me and treat me the way I think you should, until I find sufficient reason for us to part." We must remember that we made our vows, not to a person, but to God. He says that we shouldn't make a vow, and then say it was a mistake. We are to keep our vows. (Eccl. 5:1-6)
3. Caring
We need to love and care for one another. Sometimes this is easy to do, and sometimes it is difficult, but we are commanded to love our spouses (Eph. 5:25; Tit. 2:4). If we have Christlike love, we will love them as He loves us. We will be willing to love first and faithfully (I Jn. 4:19; Jer. 3:13). We will care about the other person's needs, and will seek to meet them. (I Cor. 13)
4. Courtesy
I think this is something that is often neglected or forgotten in marriage, especially after we have been married for a while. It is not enough to just "love" someone. Love is shown by actions. We need to remember to be kind and courteous to one another (I Pet. 3:8). It is odd how we often treat those we should love the most with the least courtesy. We are kind to strangers or general acquaintances, yet thoughtless and rude to those in our own homes. Courtesy goes a long way in making our loved ones feel loved and appreciated.
5. Contentment
We need to learn to be content with our spouses and with what they give us. Ultimately, we must let our expectations be fulfilled by the Lord, and not put demands on our spouses that they cannot or will not fulfill (Ps. 62:5). Many marriages are damaged because one spouse puts unrealistic or even unrighteous expectations on the other. If we learn to look to the Lord to meet our expectations, it will free us to love our spouses without bitterness or discontent. If we are constantly murmuring and complaining, we are demonstrating our discontent, and this is not pleasing to the Lord (I Cor. 10:10; I Tim. 6:6-8; Heb. 13:5). Also, if we have the "grass is greener" mindset about our spouse, constantly comparing them to others, thinking "what if", we are setting ourselves up for temptation and trouble in our marriages.
6. Caution
Be aware that Satan is out to destroy your family (I Pet. 5:8). He will use any tactic he can find. We need to be on guard in our hearts and minds, and not give "...occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully." (I Tim. 5:14)
7. Consideration
This goes along with caring and courtesy, but we need to be considerate and thoughtful of our spouses. I'm sure that when you first fell in love, you were constantly thinking about what you could do to please your spouse or make them happy. We shouldn't stop doing that once we're married. In fact, it should be more important to us than ever. We need to learn to be unselfish in our marriages.
You may be able to think of other "grounds for delight" that you can apply to your marriage. I hope you will think of more! Grab a cup of coffee, and do some brainstorming. Think about your spouse, and instead of thinking about what they have done to make you unhappy, try to think of ways that you can work to make them happy. May your marriage always be a thing, not just of duty, but of delight!
Motherhood Topic: "You're Grounded!"
Showing posts with label spouse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spouse. Show all posts
Monday, October 13, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The Aroma of My Marriage
Happy Autumn! Fall is my favorite season of the year. I love everything about it....the cool air, the changing colors of the leaves, and all the smells of fall....leaves burning, apple cider, pumpkin bread, and so many more.
Isn't it interesting how smells can evoke emotion in us? When I think of the aromas I just mentioned, it makes me feel happy, warm, nostalgic. I mentioned earlier that one of the things I love about coffee is the aroma. It is one of my very early memories. My parents are both coffee drinkers, and there was almost always a pot on in our house. I love the smell, not only because it smells good, but because it reminds me of my home and family, of sweet companionship and good night kisses.
Our devotion this week began with thinking about our attitudes being like aromas. People may not be able to touch them or see them, but our attitudes identify us nonetheless. How can we apply this to our marriages?
I. The Perception of My Spouse
Think about it this way, how would my husband describe me as if he were describing my attitude as a "scent"? Would I be more like a rose or a skunk cabbage? Would I be more akin to a hot cup of coffee or a cold cup of vinegar?
Our attitudes determine the atmosphere of our homes and families. Ever heard the saying, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"? As a wife, if I have a "stinking" attitude, that odor will pervade everything about my marriage, and eventually everything about my entire family.
There are many attitudes we could discuss, but there are a few that are clearly commanded in the Bible. One, is that I am to have an attitude of reverence toward my husband (Eph. 5:33; I Pet. 3:2). If I have an attitude of disrespect toward my husband, it will create great problems in my marriage. Another attitude that goes right along with this is submission (Eph. 5:22; Col. 3:18). A wise person once said, "Obedience is action; submission is attitude." In my own life I have found that I may be obedient, but still not have an attitude of submission. If I am not submissive, my attitude is not pleasing to the Lord.
One more attitude I would like to mention is an attitude of contention (which will lead to being contentious in action). The book of Proverbs speaks much of the contentious, brawling, angry woman. It has nothing good to say about her. One interesting passage in light of this topic is found in Proverbs 27:15-16. " A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself." Here we see that a contentious woman is both annoying, and cannot remain anonymous. If you try to hide her, it's like trying to hide the scent of a strong ointment.....it will tell on itself. When we have a contentious attitude, it will reveal itself, and it will never be perceived as something pleasant. Do you always have to have the last word? Do you need to "speak your piece" about everything? Proverbs 25:24 says, "It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house." I think sometimes we drive our husbands to their "corner", and then wonder why they don't want to come back out!
So, what is your husband's perception of your attitude toward him, and toward your marriage? Do you think it is positive, something sweet and attractive, or negative, something disgusting and repulsive?
II. The Purpose of My Scent
Our attitudes reflect what is going on in our hearts. Just as a scent can whet our appetite, warm our hearts, and bring back memories, a good attitude can do the same. In our marriages, our attitudes can make our relationship with our spouse sweet, warm, and desirable. On the other hand, odors can do just the opposite.
When there are difficulties in a marriage, they can sometimes be hard to define. Often that is because they are the result of attitudes more than actions. An attitude of ungratefulness, of disrespect, of superiority, can often be the wedge that comes between a husband and wife.
You may say, "But you don't know what kind of attitude my husband has." That's true, but the only person whose aroma you can change is your own. If your attitude begins to reflect the attitude of Christ, it will influence those around you. Aromas are pervasive. If you start a pot of coffee, you will soon be able to smell it, not just in the kitchen, but throughout the house. If you change your attitude, you will soon see the effects of that throughout your marriage.
The purpose of our "scent" is just like everything else in life. It is first of all to be pleasing to Christ. Then, in my marriage, it should be pleasing to my husband.
III. Some Practical Suggestions
On a practical note, think about using aromas in your marriage. Do you know what your husband's favorite scents are? Do you know which ones he doesn't like? What is his favorite perfume? Does he like candles? Fruity, flowery, warm and spicy? If you don't know, find out! As I already mentioned, scents can evoke strong emotion. Find a "signature" scent that you only wear for your husband. Ask yourself, what aromas greet your husband when he walks in the door (more on this on Thursday)? In your bedroom, does it smell like dirty socks, or a relaxing spa?
The strange woman of Proverbs is a horrible person, but one of the "tricks" she used to entice a man was the power of scent. She perfumed her bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.(Pro. 7:17). Now, I would never recommend that we have the attitudes or actions of a strange woman, but if we want to guard our marriages against the likes of her, we might want to consider trying to keep our husband happy at home!
To conclude, all the scented candles in the world won't disguise a bad attitude. But if we work on the aroma of our marriages, first in our attitudes, then with some practical action, we may be surprised how much sweeter it will be.
Tuesday's Topic: Take Time to Smell the.......Coffee!
Isn't it interesting how smells can evoke emotion in us? When I think of the aromas I just mentioned, it makes me feel happy, warm, nostalgic. I mentioned earlier that one of the things I love about coffee is the aroma. It is one of my very early memories. My parents are both coffee drinkers, and there was almost always a pot on in our house. I love the smell, not only because it smells good, but because it reminds me of my home and family, of sweet companionship and good night kisses.
Our devotion this week began with thinking about our attitudes being like aromas. People may not be able to touch them or see them, but our attitudes identify us nonetheless. How can we apply this to our marriages?
I. The Perception of My Spouse
Think about it this way, how would my husband describe me as if he were describing my attitude as a "scent"? Would I be more like a rose or a skunk cabbage? Would I be more akin to a hot cup of coffee or a cold cup of vinegar?
Our attitudes determine the atmosphere of our homes and families. Ever heard the saying, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"? As a wife, if I have a "stinking" attitude, that odor will pervade everything about my marriage, and eventually everything about my entire family.
There are many attitudes we could discuss, but there are a few that are clearly commanded in the Bible. One, is that I am to have an attitude of reverence toward my husband (Eph. 5:33; I Pet. 3:2). If I have an attitude of disrespect toward my husband, it will create great problems in my marriage. Another attitude that goes right along with this is submission (Eph. 5:22; Col. 3:18). A wise person once said, "Obedience is action; submission is attitude." In my own life I have found that I may be obedient, but still not have an attitude of submission. If I am not submissive, my attitude is not pleasing to the Lord.
One more attitude I would like to mention is an attitude of contention (which will lead to being contentious in action). The book of Proverbs speaks much of the contentious, brawling, angry woman. It has nothing good to say about her. One interesting passage in light of this topic is found in Proverbs 27:15-16. " A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself." Here we see that a contentious woman is both annoying, and cannot remain anonymous. If you try to hide her, it's like trying to hide the scent of a strong ointment.....it will tell on itself. When we have a contentious attitude, it will reveal itself, and it will never be perceived as something pleasant. Do you always have to have the last word? Do you need to "speak your piece" about everything? Proverbs 25:24 says, "It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house." I think sometimes we drive our husbands to their "corner", and then wonder why they don't want to come back out!
So, what is your husband's perception of your attitude toward him, and toward your marriage? Do you think it is positive, something sweet and attractive, or negative, something disgusting and repulsive?
II. The Purpose of My Scent
Our attitudes reflect what is going on in our hearts. Just as a scent can whet our appetite, warm our hearts, and bring back memories, a good attitude can do the same. In our marriages, our attitudes can make our relationship with our spouse sweet, warm, and desirable. On the other hand, odors can do just the opposite.
When there are difficulties in a marriage, they can sometimes be hard to define. Often that is because they are the result of attitudes more than actions. An attitude of ungratefulness, of disrespect, of superiority, can often be the wedge that comes between a husband and wife.
You may say, "But you don't know what kind of attitude my husband has." That's true, but the only person whose aroma you can change is your own. If your attitude begins to reflect the attitude of Christ, it will influence those around you. Aromas are pervasive. If you start a pot of coffee, you will soon be able to smell it, not just in the kitchen, but throughout the house. If you change your attitude, you will soon see the effects of that throughout your marriage.
The purpose of our "scent" is just like everything else in life. It is first of all to be pleasing to Christ. Then, in my marriage, it should be pleasing to my husband.
III. Some Practical Suggestions
On a practical note, think about using aromas in your marriage. Do you know what your husband's favorite scents are? Do you know which ones he doesn't like? What is his favorite perfume? Does he like candles? Fruity, flowery, warm and spicy? If you don't know, find out! As I already mentioned, scents can evoke strong emotion. Find a "signature" scent that you only wear for your husband. Ask yourself, what aromas greet your husband when he walks in the door (more on this on Thursday)? In your bedroom, does it smell like dirty socks, or a relaxing spa?
The strange woman of Proverbs is a horrible person, but one of the "tricks" she used to entice a man was the power of scent. She perfumed her bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.(Pro. 7:17). Now, I would never recommend that we have the attitudes or actions of a strange woman, but if we want to guard our marriages against the likes of her, we might want to consider trying to keep our husband happy at home!
To conclude, all the scented candles in the world won't disguise a bad attitude. But if we work on the aroma of our marriages, first in our attitudes, then with some practical action, we may be surprised how much sweeter it will be.
Tuesday's Topic: Take Time to Smell the.......Coffee!
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